I was a mediocre student. It doesn’t bother me to share that with you now, but it used to be a significant source of shame.
It started in high school and it wasn’t that I didn’t care. I just cared about the wrong things. Fun was my favorite subject and studying just wasn’t part of the equation. Many of my friends went on to top schools and despite my grades I did OK. You’re not likely to find my alma mater at the top of any ranking, but the school produces countless successful graduates. In fact, virtually all my friends have done very well.
Once in college I continued my high school routine, but with more zeal and quickly landed on academic probation. Neither of my parents had gone to college (my father went back to school and graduated after I eventually did) nor did my brother or sister. I think their love for me and desire to see me have the college experience prolonged their patience with my poor performance. I even got good at staying just above the acceptable academic threshold by strategically taking easy courses. This, sadly, was not sustainable.
I had no idea it was coming, but I was about to “wake up” for the first time in my adult life.
It was my 22nd birthday and I was home visiting my parents during winter break. I was in my room over the garage. I heard a knock at my door. “Come in”, I said. A crescendo of footsteps followed and I saw my mother emerge from the staircase holding a letter. I deduced the letter she held was only recently retrieved from the day’s post and it pertained to me. What happened next changed the course of my life.
Mom read the letter aloud. “Effective immediately, Frederick A. Marx, III (that’s me) is academically suspended for a period of one calendar year.” I was the source of disappointment on previous occasions to be sure, but never like this. While I’m sure I had my own thoughts and feelings about what I’d just heard, what I remember most was translating mom’s tone, body language, and general demeanor. Heart broken.
I’d never seen that level of disappointment and it hit me like a Mike Tyson body shot. It took my breath away. The story I told myself was that everything my parents had struggled to provide me was for nothing. As a parent I now feel even worse about that evening so many years ago. I’m sure I’m no different than most parents when I play my child’s future like a movie in my mind. We analyze our actions, behavior, and decisions and wonder how they’ll impact the movie. Sometimes the movie has a not so Hollywood ending. And while this can be a source of concern we assure ourselves they’ll turn out fine despite our poor example. Well, in my case, my mom’s less than Hollywood ending for me actually came true!
I do not recall my thoughts while chasing sleep that night. In contrast, I vividly remember two new themes that dominated my newfound existence. One. My parents looked at me differently. Once possibility personified, I had been relegated to more realistic expectations. A future characterized by mediocrity and unmet potential. Two. I looked at myself differently. Profoundly moved by theme one, my life’s mission materialized like a sunrise. I had to reverse theme one.
I woke up.
Within a couple weeks I had a sales job and was top salesman my first month. I continued in sales for three years and immediately returned to school, this time on my own dime. Since I had wasted so much time the first time around I basically had to start over. Didn’t matter though. I was hungry and would not be discouraged. I took a heavy course load every semester, continued through the summer and graduated in two years. My GPA…3.6. I worked several jobs at the same time and participated in every extracurricular activity I could find.
I could continue, but I think I’ve made my point and you are free to check my Linked In profile. I’ve done OK for a flunky. Check that, I’ve done great BECAUSE I flunked. If I could go back would I change anything? Maybe, but I am forever thankful for my wake up moment. To this day, I wake up twice every morning. By the grace of God my eyes open, but then it’s up to me. I may get “drowsy” from time to time, but I’m committed never to fall “asleep” again.
I owe any success I’ve enjoyed to waking up twice. In business and in my personal life I have to question every day what I may be oblivious to. Things, people, and events right before my eyes that I might be ignoring because I want to be right, comfortable, or look good. Do you wake up twice? Do you need to?
Upology 